Triggers

This morning, as with every morning, I battled with my rebel bangs to look even just a little like a bang. I was running late for work, as with every morning, and I was getting every bit desperate. Then I remembered I still have that Bench Wax from a year ago that I lent my cousin. (Plug: It's great, girls, really fixes up your do' for ya.)

I was applying it on my hair when I couldn't resist taking the container up my nose until I've smelled every last bit of the fragrance. Every last bit of last year, when I bought it with my best friend (Karl) because my best friend (Jicky) told me to. Every last bit of 5 months ago, when I'd sulk to the side of the classroom by the podium, fixing my bangs with it like I was doing then, with my friends making fun of my "trying hard to have a bangs", when clearly, my hair just wasn't fit to. Every last bit of my last birthday, when that wax, my Pond's bottle, my Nivea deo spray, my ipod, and my ipod charger were the only things I needed to survive during the hell period of school, when we were barely sleeping, and each time we did, it's usually in Cara's house where you could get every thing you needed anyway. (Ipod charger, included) Basically, every last bit of the life I remember being truly happy.

After that long, the wax still smelled as great. (Plug: the product really lasts through time, guys) But it left a sting on my nose, like suddenly, even my sense couldn't recall the association of smell to happiness. Like they went together, and without the other, it just wasn't the same thing anymore. And it wasn't. I don't remember where and when I read it, but some character in my book, or movie, or series, said that the reason why they say 'you can't lie to yourself' is because your body is hardwired to know the truth, and recognize every inc of lie you make, even silently; silently as smelling hair wax at a bland morning, looking for something that turned out not to be there. Not anymore.

As a result, I came in for work, itching to do something different, go some place else, somewhere that's not here, because obviously, my bench wax doesn't get along with it. I need something that could make that thing smell as great.

But what the fuck do I know? I'm a girl who's basing life on the smell of a hair wax. Really, what the fuck do I know. I don't know anything.

Except for the fact that I can't bring myself to use the wax anymore.