What would be enough?

My first shot at script writing. 1st semester of Senior Year and we

fashioned a makeshift newsroom and my laptop served as

the email basket, writing dock and editing bay.

As part of ABS-CBN's Holy Week evening block, its News and Current Affairs show "Krusada" ran a replay of Abner Mercado's story about elder women inside prison and whether President Noynoy Aquino will give them executive clemency. The episode was called "Laya" and it was trying to ask a very simple question: Will we let these women die alone behind bars?

The story got to the producer in me first. It had a very haunting opening and very arresting visuals. At one point, they got a silhouette of a woman limping across the corridor with the bars as its foreground. I thought it said everything it should in that one shot.

Abner Mercado had done a similar story for The Correspondents a few years back, he had worked hand in hand with NGOs and he had used his journalistic vehicles to peddle the plea to the Palace. What they wanted was simple: Set the old women free. In the episode, we were told the stories of a woman who was jailed for possession of a P10 worth marijuana, a middle-aged woman just diagnosed of cancer and a mother paralyzed from Parkinson's disease. Mr. Mercado could not even get a lucid response from her.

At the last part, Mr. Mercado visited the President's older sister Ballsy, and gave her the handwritten letter of an inmate with a simple message: I've paid my time, now give me my life back.

It was sensational story-telling. It was good television, but it had heart. I could see it, I could feel it. So much so that it has led me to this blog right now.

I've wanted to be in the business of Journalism for as long as I can remember. I've wanted it before I even knew what it meant; stuck with it after learning of the struggles and the dirty tricks. I have been employed in the journalism line for almost two years now, but everyday I find myself asking the same question: Do I want to tell a story? Or do I just want to sell air time?

As an intern for Manila Standard Today;

the daily that gave me my first every byline.

When I started, I was so excited, I was eager to learn, I was young and news was evolving, and commerce was beginning to hold a heavier weight. And for a long time, I did that. I was in the business of selling news and during that period, I'd forgotten to ask myself that question.

And I think that's what killed me a little. To not be able to ask the question because I was not in the place to answer. My memory is quite sharp and I'm always remembering things people tell me at random - most of them don't even remember talking to me about the topic. But anyway, I remember eating with a friend from GMA, and her telling me that they tell the stories they do in the hope to affect one person's life the very least. That if she tells the story of seminarians in rural areas who are not given ample allowance, someone might listen, and maybe as a result, a brother is given a decent soutane to wear and a good copy of the Bible to carry and teach the words of God with. And that would be enough. And I sat there, envying her for having that purpose. For having the answer to my question.

Covering the Manila area during Ondoy for a College project,

and getting to tape a standupper with a GMA reporter who,

after he was done, was nice enough to lend me his mic

for a photo opportunity.

So tonight I'll answer my own question. Do I wanna tell a story? Or do I just want to sell air time? I want to do both. I want to be able to tell a story and then sell that story so someone could listen. To get it out there, to do my part, and to do a difference in at least one person's life. And that would be more than enough.

It boils down to this simple line: To express, not to impress.

I'm in the business of making good Television. In the business of ratings, of advertising, of profit. In an industry where the story of killing sharks is mercilessly toppled in ratings by the story of two neighbors fighting over a lover. And I've accepted that. That we invest emotional and mental energy into telling the story of cutting trees and fight for air time, when paparazzi shots of korean bands just swiftly land on the fist gap.

But it's not the fault of the story tellers. After all, we're just messengers. And there is demand for certain kinds of content. But I still believe that Journalism is not just telling people what they want to know; it's telling people what they need and should know. And we carry that responsibility to be in their face and say "Hey, I know you would rather be getting entertained with dancing koala bears, but this matters and so you should listen."

It could make for good television, it could be oozing with ratings potential, it could be controversial, it could be loud. But it could also be quiet, underrated - it could be boring, it could be dull. It just needs to be a story that has to be told. And when we do tell it, then we've done our part and it would be enough.

On the field for only my 6th story as a producer.

It wasn't particularly my favorite but hopefully a training ground for

future stories that would mean more.

When I was in High School, I took Journalism as my extra subject. At the onset of the class, my teacher enumerated the reasons why people want to be a Journalist. I remember 1.) To be in the forefront of History 2.) The privilege of being the first to know 3.) The glory of the byline and some more about how covering the news is thrilling.

She forgot one thing and the most important: They just want to tell stories.

And that's what I want to do. I want to tell stories, but that still wouldn't be enough. I want to tell stories but more crucial than that, I want to tell them right. And I'm trying to learn just how to do that so one day I could tell myself I've done my part.

And that would be enough.

Good night, One Tree Hill

So One Tree Hill ended tonight. After 187 episodes, running a little over 9 years, the curtain had to come down, and quite literally, played the ending music.

And I was so affected that I tweeted some of the best lines from the show including Peyton's "First of all you don't know me, second of all, you don't know me" from the first episodes of Season 1. One Tree Hill ended and so did a fragment of my life, and I'm not kidding. Have you ever been attached to any work of art so much that it's just really too hard to let go when it's all over?

I started watching the series when it started airing. I was in High School, a sophomore, in a new school and finding it too difficult to fit in. And all that could make me get out of bed every morning was the thought of Tuesday night on ETC at 8pm when a brand new episode airs. And that was my life. And they became my best friends.

Lucas, my dear Lucas, who kept spitting out all these great lines from all these great books I didn't even know about. And I was learning things about Oscar Wilde and Albert Camus and before you know it, I was writing...stuff, on a notebook, on a diary, on my phone, on anything, about anything. I told myself, if I could just write my thoughts down the way Lucas expresses his on those epic parting voiceovers, then maybe that was enough.

And Peyton. I bought my very first pair of Chuck Taylors because I wanted to look like her. I wanted to be the kind of person that didn't care so much about what people think about you in High School. There was one thing she said in the first season that stuck to me like glue. Lucas stole her art works and passed it on to the local paper to have it published. Peyton wasn't thrilled.

"I want to draw something that means something to someone. You know, I want to draw blind, faith or a fading summer of just a moment of clarity. It's like when you go and see a really great band live for the first time and nobody is saying it but everybody is thinking it. We have something to believe in again. I want to draw that feeling but I can't and if i can't be great at it, then i don't want to ruin it, it's too important for me."

That's exactly what I felt about writing that time. I was 15, in High School, thought I was in love with a boy, but felt so much stronger about keeping my writing faithful, wanting to be great at it more than I ever wanted anything else in my life. It was a moment of clarity that at the time I could not write, and did not attempt to. I was just glad that among all the other kids who couldn't make up their minds what they wanted to do after High School and was lingering, I knew what I wanted to do, and I was excited to do it.

Mark Schwann (show creator and writer) got me hooked on the very first season. The show flailed a couple of times after. Season 2 went by like a blur and after season 6, it felt like it was ready to end, but continued to air for 3 more. And I tell this to everybody, but I just couldn't stop watching because they were family, and you don't quit on family.

Mark always said the show was nothing without its music, and rightly so. And that's a big part I will miss about One Tree Hill, its choice of music was impeccable. Every episode has its drama but when you hear that surreal, quiet sound with words like those of "For Blue Skies" (Strays don't Sleep), "Lie in the Sound" (Trespassers William), "Re-Offender" (Travis) "Always Love" (Nada Surf) and Gavin Degraw's whole catalog - you just transcend out of their story and into yours. And for a few minutes, there's comfort.

I remember my world stopping still when Grubbs (Wakey! Wakey!) sang "Dance So Good" inside the booth of Red Bedroom Records and thinking of how far the show has come in terms of depth. And me getting it, getting the lyrics, must mean I've come far too in terms of depth. I've grown just as much as they did, and I'd like to say they kept me in track while doing it.

It was fun growing up with them, so much so that I had difficulty watching the series finale. It just transports you back to where they were, but more importantly, where I was that time too. And how far I've come since being 15 and picturing Nathan as my husband to this, 21, and thanking all of them that for the last time, they said just the right words: "What you do matters."

I guess it was also the attachment to fictional best friends. I saw Haley fight for music, for Nathan; I saw her on the very first time she performed in front of a crowd, and the night she told Nathan, "the celebrity and the applause mean nothing if I'm not without you. So yeah, you're right, this is not the life I could have had because ever since I met you it has been so much more."

I remember Lucas telling Peyton, "it's you. when all my dreams come true, the person i want standing next to me, it's you" and her telling him on their wedding day, "Despite how confused I've been or lost I might've gotten, there is always you, finding me and saving me." And I remember Nathan falling on the hard cold floor of the High School basketball court after overdosing on steroids to the day he told Haley he was finally going to play in the NBA.

I remember Keith saying "And the people you love just forgot to love you back" and for the first time, understanding what it meant. Peyton's podcasts, which I had repeatedly gone back to for advice. "Find your battle, and fight like hell until your battle is won," she said. And it was a pretty damn good advice.

And the Tree Hill High corridors when they graduated, with Paolo Nutini's "Rewind" playing, and me thinking at the time, if I will also ever get to see my dreams come true. Just like they did. And then one night, in my old room, when I was second guessing myself, I made the decision to watch a few episodes back, they told me this: If you believe that your wish is right around the corner. And if you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it. To the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for."

In season 5, Peyton asked Mia, the artist she just signed on to her label, "what would be enough?" Mia (Kate Voegele in real life) said:

Maybe, it's like I don't need to be famous and I don't need all of the money in the world, it's not about that. It's about that girl who is having a horrible day and she hears your song and for five minutes there's hope. You know? It's like for five minutes the world's not such a scary place for her anymore. You asked what's gonna be enough, that will be enough, that will be more than enough.

And if that was the show's intention too, then it had been more than just enough. For 9 years, there was a girl with a thousand horrible days and she listened to the music, and she watched the show, and back, and back agin, and for more than a few thousand minutes, there was hope.

Goodbye One Tree Hill, your art mattered, it's what gotten me here.

When you're 21 and a minimum wage earner

There's a place in the world where being 21 and being ass broke is cool. And it's not Manila. Here it's just lame, and pitiable.

There is nothing cool about opting out of Saturday night outs because you're broke, and observing Earth Hour not because you're environment friendly but because you have 2 months worth of Meralco bills sitting on your table threatening to plunge you to the dark ages.

It's also the thing about being 21 and earning minimum wage. You have to pick priorities: when the bills come pouring in, you have to ask yourself: what can you not have? So you pay the internet bill because your job (or life) sometimes depends on it. You pay the water bill because how else are you going to take a bath? You pay the building monthly dues because you cannot be homeless. And you're left with electricity - you figure you're just at your place to sleep, you don't need light when you sleep and you can charge your gadgets in the office.

A little extreme thinking but if there's any notices of disconnection I would rather see in the mail, it's electricity.

But that's not to say you can't have fun. Of course you can, but only twice a month. And that only lasts a few days. This month, mine lasted just one.

I had to have a root canal last week and the choice was either to be be poor or to die. I chose to be poor. I visited the dentist on payday so after I had it done, I went to a restaurant and ate my self to death. I figured, I should be able to eat everything I want on that day because God knows when I'll be able to eat again.

Another thing about being 21 and being a minimum wage earner is that, there's never enough money to spend on health and well-being. Visit the doctor? Nah, just take paracetamol. Buy paracetamol? Nah, just drink water.

And of course you cannot ask your parents for dole outs unless it was a matter of life and death. You're 21. That age just screams pressure. Prove yourself. Be responsible. Live alone. Be independent. You cannot just call your mom and say, "Hi Mom, you were right, I can't do this." Of course you can't! You tell them you can and you don't need their money……….anymore.

And that's one of the perils of being 21 in Manila. You lived in a country where parents are expected to fund you for as long as forever. The system doesn't allow for student loans and housing plans. The society surely doesn't allow for waiting tables, mowing lawns or doing paper rounds to sustain you.

We have no choice but to live and loot off our parents. That's why when you're finally done with school, it's just too embarassing to continue being their responsibility.

And for that, you accept that you're never going to be able to buy a house or a car in the next 10 years. There's just no way to. So you start lowering your standards. Maybe a phone, a TV, a laptop. In my case, my phone, my TV, my laptop were all courtesy of my mom. Allow me to feel pathetic.

But there are still things you can pay for yourself. Like Holidays. Because if you don't travel, and get days off from your job and have that moment of total disconnection, you're gonna lose your mind.

It's cheaper to travel than pay for a shrink.

The saddest thing about being 21 and earning minimum? You are kind of stripped of the right to be outrageous, be irresponsible and take risks. You literally cannot afford to.

"Times are hard for the dreamers," I read somewhere.

It is. It's hard. Not knowing when you're gonna be able to finally pay that electricity bill, or if you're ever gonna have enough to replace a shitty phone. Or if you'll ever reach the period of not living from paycheck to paycheck.

But being 21 and earning minimum and sticking with it? When you can fly to the UK and earn crazy there or sell your soul to corporate robots and get paid shitload, is maybe another way of being outrageous and being irresponsible.

I know for sure it's taking a risk. Wondering, hoping and waiting for that risk to pay off - that's where the fun comes in.

It's just a scary, unstable kind of fun and you would have to have a dark sense of humor to find it funny. Thankfully, I'm a little twisted, because being 21 and earning minimum wage and being broke is kind of my thing right now. And I've never felt more alive.

#TeamAwesome

(If I may make a suggestion: listen to this while you read: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSRwS1T5l4I)

It's out there. #TeamAwesome original is splitting up.

Well actually, I wasn't really part of the original; just came in early enough to make the claim a little valid. There were four of us then, me, Stacy, Neil and the brainpower that is Sir Josh.

We used to occupy a dainty little table at a corner in the newsroom's technical hub, and we would have our own world and live our own little lives despite the noise and the constant tension that is news production.

Sir Josh would occupy the end part of the table, facing us three. He would have his face buried on his macbook most of the time except when we need questions and other situations that really require the Josh intervention.

And it worked, freaking brilliantly. We had our own system. Of taking little breaks to relieve frustrations, of playing good music, or taking pauses to surf the web for pleasure, just to get the engine going. Of eating good food, or bad food, constantly throughout the day.

Of taking trips after office, on the weekend; of having midnight snacks around Timog. I cannot remember a milestone in the time we worked togther that it wasn't marked, or accompanied by food. We just hit 100,000 followers: get burger at Johnny Rockets. We need to prepare for a coverage: order in Pizza. Post-mortem: buy chips from 7/11. We collectively had a bad day in the office: get ice cream.

The first day News TV was launched, Sir Josh bought us all coffee. I'm not a big fan of coffee, but it did stir us to the right direction. Not because of caffeine, or that we are energized solely by food, but that we have a common goal and we have a common drug, and that drug was simple: food. And it has resulted to so many amazing things.

When Sir Josh migrated to the 2nd floor where he had his own cubicle and left us three in the table, I suffered from terrible separation anxiety. It felt like losing a driver, at an express way, at 80 kilometers per hour. So imagine the feeling when he left the company. I was scared shitless.

And there was a period of needing to talk to him constantly over GChat just to kind of regain balance. But sad to say, I never did.

Then we started shifting schedules. I would be in the morning, Neil and Stacy would take the night shift and at one point, I would just feel..alone. I think that's what happens when you work so closely together with someone, when you build habits and plan routines and sync your movements with the other person. The machinery collapses when you take away one.

I'm not saying this is the reason, but I think it makes sense to disassemble the triumvirate. Especially when Neil left. It was just too unfamiliar without the boys, like there is perpetually something missing.

And I feel bad because the team's eventual additions need not suffer the consequences of our domino effect. For the past months, it has brought me guilt to know we may be contributing to a rupture. And it needs to stop.

I just woke up one day and I knew something had to be done. A decision had to be made. To continue, or to stop. And I guess people have always known; I probably have known on some level that I was also going to leave the team not much later.

I found out Stacy had pulled the plug days before I did, and it just hit me; some kind of clarity that maybe our fate was meted out together that way. It was the plan; and we carried out a destiny for one and a half year before we had to separate ways and make our own.

This - us four taking different roads - this makes sense. If not together, then maybe not at all. And we are branching out happily, breaking apart but not really. We're all happy, each of us finding the decision quite liberating actually, like this has always been the endpoint of this chapter of our lives.

Like a goal that has been accomplished; and like any other mission, it is time to move on. But not without looking back and saying, fuck, we were truly awesome together.

Awesome enough to manage and weave magic seperately. And every time I think of it, of us going our separate ways, I can hear Sir Josh's voice, asking: "What is your takeaway?" (Sidenote: He loved asking "what is your takeaway"? I think "takeaway" is his favorite word)

And you know what? My takeaway is this: that I was given some of the best months of my life with the best people. And that alone is a victory. We won, guys, we really, really did.

It's just the reality of life. It goes on. To Gayna, Justin, Marj and Audrey: Kick some major asses, guys! You are #TeamAwesome, remember that :)

So it's out there. #TeamAwesome original is splitting up. So from your bunso, I love you three. When you have time, there are four champ burgers reserved for a reunion.

From the words of Steve Jobs: Stay hungry, literally and figuratively. Stay foolish.

Stay awesome :-)

They paved paradise, put up a parking lot

Author's note (April 10,2012): SM Baguio began uprooting the trees on the eve of April 9; Luneta Hill was covered and the workers were masked. Advocates started to arrive in Luneta Hill 12am of April 10, begging the men to stop cutting the trees. But alas an alnus fell; dawn broke and Baguio has lost some of its few remaining pines. Baguio RTC Branch 6 has issued a Temporary Environmental Protection Order, stopping the uprooting, at least for now. SM still stands by their initial statement and the LGU still insists they can't do anything about it.

Armi of Up Dharma down plays the first few notes of the band hit ‘Tadhana’ and there was a collective sound of glee that resonated not in a music bar, but in an open space in Baguio City, where students, musicians, artists and residents were in one with the cool breeze, and their beloved trees.

The evening concert came after the tree-planting activity and prayer rally of ‘Project Save 182,’ a collaborative group headed by environmental activist Dr. Michael Bengwayan to call for the trashing of SM Baguio’s redevelopment plan that involves the earth-balling of 182 trees.

On the morning of February 5, more than 182 new trees were planted at the Pines of the World park, in a symbolic act participated by some 200 advocates from Baguio, others from Manila.

Approved by city, DENR

The redevelopment plan was given the green light by the DENR and the local government of Baguio.

According to DENR-CAR Regional Executive Director Clarence Baguilat, when SM applied to ball the trees to pave way for the mall’s expansion, Environment Secretary Ramon Paje approved it on certain conditions. That SM ‘transplant’ the trees and plant 50 saplings for every one tree uprooted.

“It’s like being allowed to kill a person, provided that I make 50 new babies,” said Conviron Altatis, one of the activists who helped mobilize the movement, using Facebook primarily.

Altatis did a spoof monologue of Henry Sy, SM CEO, and Henry Sy’s grandson. His amusing performance earned him applause, but most when he delivered his very last line.

In a fake chinese accent, he said, “I asked my Lolo Henry, ‘Lolo, if we become grandparents, what is the story you would like us to tell them? That there used to be pine trees in Baguio, or that there used to be an SM in Baguio?’”

‘Occupy’

They call it the ‘SM Occupy,’ a movement that originated in the US to protest corporate greed. The definition fits to the group’s cause, as weeks before, the same people marched to the upper Session road near the mall to stage a rally filled with music, and performances, crying, as seen in one of the signs, “cut your greed, not our trees.”

SM Management said they are going to build the multi-leveled parking lot using green architecture and technology. It’ll help decongest traffic, they said, and that they were vying to be given a LEED recognition for an ecologically-friendly structure which will use no airconditioning and only natural light, the first of its kind in the country.

“That’s absurd,” said Bedejim Abdullah, member of the Cordillera Conservation Trust, an environmentalist also rallying to save the trees around SM. You want to be friendly to the environment, don’t cut the trees, he said, as well as everyone in the protest did.

“I hope I can stop the cutting of trees,” Baguio City Mayor Mauricio Domogan told me when I went to the City hall the next day. The land SM Baguio now stands in is a private property owned by the Corporation, bought from the national government in a bidding in 1992 for almost P70M. “We cannot do anything because we are bound by law to let them do what they want with their property,” Domogan said.

DENR-CAR’s Baguilat said, “if the government doesn’t want trees to be cut, then don’t sell these lands.” Asked whether anyone of them in the local unit could put a stop to it, he said, “the city government. Political will lang ‘yan.'

“Earth-ball”

"No trees will be cut," says SM in an online statement posted in their website as well as in reports. VP for Operations in the Northern Region Engr. Bien Mateo gave an interview to GMA News TV's Bawal ang Pasaway with Mareng Winnie where he emphasized that they were not gonna cut trees, they were just gonna earth ball them - and that every single one affected will be replaced with more.

“Their favorite word is ‘ball’” said Altatis. What SM plans to do with the trees is earth-ball them, meaning to uproot and replant them somewhere else.

Bengwayan said earth-balling will be tantamount to killing. He recalls the 1994 Camp John Hay incident where 475 trees were earth-balled. Out of the 475 trees in John Hay, only 43 live today. In all, only 17% of them survived due to a “transplant shock” the roots experienced.

“But 17% is better than none,” said Baguilat.

Bengwayan also pointed out some numbers: 182 trees can absorb 27,300 liters of water everyday, which will help lessen the risk of flooding. 1 pine tree can also take in 40-45 ibs of carbon; 182 pine trees can contribute to the reduction of 9,790 ibs of carbon yearly from the air we breathe.

A tree a day

Baguilat said the Luneta Hill, where the trees stand at risk of SM’s expansion, is a very little patch of greenery as compared tothe remaining ‘significant’ patches of forest that remain in Baguio that must be protected, like the Camp John Hay and the Forbes Park.

Bengwayan told me the groups fear it may be a precedent to the cutting of more trees. “If they can cut 182 now, what’s stopping them to cut more?”

Among the crowd present that day was veteran artist Ben-Hur Villanueva. He said the point of the movement is to assure the children today that they will grow up in the same Baguio their elders lived in - a city rich with pine trees. “The adults, may politiko na ‘yan, but the children - they need to be aware of the importance to have trees.”

“We need to have a provision where the trees these children plant will be legally theirs,” Villanueva shared his thoughts with me. He said it was to give the child the right and claim to a tree, should its life be challenged later on. It was to assure, he said, that as the child grows up, the tree grows up with him.

Plans

In a chit-chat by the sideline, the event secretariat revealed they feel the cutting of trees is gonna happen “anytime soon.”

The Luneta Hill, once open to spectators, is now surrounded with armed guards in every corner. Mayor Domogan and the DENR show no sign of budging. In my conversation with Baguilat, he told me that it was a direct order from Secretary Ramon Paje and that their mandate is to follow.

Mayor Domogan insistently explained that unless the National Government says or does something, the government of Baguio has no choice but to honor land owners’ rights.

DENR-CAR also looks to Secretary Paje for any possible change of heart.

Kabataan Representative Mong Palatino has called on the Congress to probe the mall oligarch’s expansion. Palatino filed House Resolution 2069 seeking a joint inquiry into legality and propriety of the permit granted by the Department of Environment and Natural Resources (DENR) allowing the earth-balling of trees.

Plea to SM

Baguilat added that the fate of the trees lie mostly in SM’s hands, saying the environmental groups should direct their attentionto SM and convince them to spare the trees.

But the environmental groups look to take their case to the President himself. They gathered signatures from the numerous rallies they will send to President Noynoy Aquino at the Palace.

Bengwayan and other groups cry to the government: honor Executive Order #23. EO 23, in its gist, prohibits any body including the DENR to issue tree-cutting permits in natural and residual forests.

In a text message, DENR-CAR Information Officer Abner Villanueva insisted the order does not cover Luneta Hill as it is a private property for commercial use, and that the trees were not naturally growing but actually just planted - by SM themselves.

Green Building

SM's Mateo also told Pasaway that "Trees are very important. We also find importance in them. But we want to also explain that caring for the environment is not only limited to trees. We care for the trees, but caring for the environment also includes water reservation, energy efficiency, reduction of carbon footprint, and this is what we're promoting in this expansion; making it a green building."

SM also explained that in 2005, they experienced problems of soil erosion and that after examinations, a careful enhancement of the area showed to be the best solution. They also said that the expansion will include the construction of a water reservoir which can contain 6.9 million liters of water at any given time - an amount that can be absorbed by 4,000 pine trees - to prevent run-off.

But the main thing, they say: It will help decongest the city, lowering carbon dioxide emission. Economically, the expansion will also create jobs and pay taxes that can provide significant funding for the community.

For his part, Domogan defended the development for its eventual benefits for the city, and added a sidenote to the interview: "Minsan lang, pinapasok ang politika, kung nag-express ka ng opinyon na hindi tugma sa kanila, sasabihin, nabili 'yan. he was bribed! And that's not fair."

----

“Shoe....shoe...mart...mart...mart,” hummed Up Dharma Down to the tune of ‘Big Yellow Taxi’s’ intro; the people laughed, clapped, hysteric. As dawn breaks, around the pine trees, she sang, “they paved paradise, put up a parking lot,” and everybody grew quiet, reflective.

The people camped overnight at the park, praying a brand new day under the lush of pines could offer some hope. Just meters away up in the hill, it was another morning of mighty business for SM Baguio.

(Inlet photos courtesy of author; main photo credits to Beatriz Flores)

Letter to the future

Dear 25-year-old me,

How are you? I hope you're doing fine, I hope you're happy, because the 21 year old version of you is quite in a good place and she's looking ahead and she's counting on you for her future well-being. So don't disappoint her. Here are a few tips:

1. In 4 years, try to not be single. A lot of your friends claim you intimidate boys but I think you're just not girlfriend material. Plain and simple. If you can, make some adjustments, try to move some stuff around, but don't compromise yourself please, I beg of you.

2. That said, you can try opening up to people a little bit. I also think you're oftentimes emotionally unavailable. Try to break your exclusivity complex. Get out of the house more often, it will be good for you, plus, it can get you acquainted with a lot of things, which, to be honest, you are severely lacking considering it is your job to know things. Do it for your craft, and enjoy in the process.

3. As for work, I think you're on the right track. But frankly, you're still a slave of your vain agendas. Admit it, you initially craved to get your name out there. Now that you (sort of) have, you can now focus on doing stories that mean more to you, stories which will make a difference in people's lives, and not something you just can be smug about. Please don't be a sell out. I will kill you.

4. I gave you until 23 to have a piece published on Inquirer's Young Blood. You first tried at 17 and never tried again. This, you have to do. For yourself, you owe this to the girl who was heartbroken in Grade School for not being picked out as staff of the newspaper.

5. I know I set out for you to drink more, but let's face it, you can't and more importantly you don't want to. You hate the taste of alcohol and even more the idea of getting drunk. Huwag mo ng ipilit, you're a straight-up chic and I'm fine with that.

6. You have to have had more serious purchases by then. I'd settle for an iPad or an iPhone that came straight out of your pocket. Or maybe you could be paying for your house. 25 ka na nun, you can't let your mom continue paying your rent, mahiya ka naman. And to achieve that, here's a tip to the 22, 23, and 24 year old versions of you: You are not rich, stop spending like one.

7. How to save? Learn to cook meals. Yes, food is divine and yes you love it I know but you can't continue living off take outs. You had a phase of cooking pasta and it was a good phase, you were decent. Why can't you go back to that? And another: Stop buying books. You have so many in your shelf you have not read yet. You're only excused for when your favorite authors publish a new title.

8. And anyway, the Brontes are pissed with you. Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights have been sitting on that shelf for a year now but then you keep on buying new ones and reading those instead. There's not a single classic that you've read, not even To Kill a Mockingbird, not even Pride and Prejudice; you take pride in knowing Moby Dick's first line yet you can't even buy a copy. It's about P200 at NBS, you schizo. You are a walking shame. Please prioritize reading a classic.

When you were 18, someone told you, "you're only 18" and you answered him back: "I'm ALREADY 18." But you gotta realize that at some point, you'll reach an age where you will be definitely "already" and not anymore "only." I pray that by that time, you have done enough not to have any regrets. I think you're sensible to know there are some goals that need to be hit, I'm just worried you're taking yourself too seriously. You gotta be able to say "hey I'm only 25" because at 21 I think I'm already old and running out of time.

Relax.

You and I have a dream of changing the world. But face it, you can't at 25, so if you can't change the world, I hope that by that time you would have at least already changed yours. And some others'. Self-belief is the key, and I sincerely hope you pick out some of that along the way.

No pressure. Good luck!

Love,

your 21 year old self